Laughing Through the Tears

I've never seen anything like it. The Face to Face service for John was today. The chapel was full of lives he impacted. I overheard more stories, and remembered some of my own. The best part of the whole thing was that everyone who got up to speak had some funny story to tell about him. We all knew him as the biggest goofball and prankster. He was serious about his call and his Savior. What an example he was. The service was so anointed, and struck a chord with many of us. Who is going to step up? What a challenge! I don't know how many people it's going to take to fill his shoes (of course, they can never be filled!) Missionary. Youth worker. Friend to many. Missionary. There was a man in front of me who was from his ministry in the inner city of Baltimore. I couldn't bear to see his body wracked with sobs. But, by the end of the service, with tears still running down his face, he was laughing with the rest of us at one of John's antics.

I started typing this the other day, and can't finish it; but I want to post it anyway. Tina's post on it is way better, and since we share a brain (and her half is way better), I want you to read hers instead of mine....

Love...

Wordless Wednesday

The Unveiling

It's a new day... and I have a new blog name! The following is what I posted on my other page. Yes, I'm THAT lazy. I don't feel like typing the same idea again, so here it is:

I'm not sure if I even have any readers left, but I didn't want to leave you all stranded. I've changed the name of my blog. I was just not loving the name I had chosen, because come to find out, it was NOT very unique. I think my new blog name is a little more unique, even though I'm not sure it really illustrates what my blog is all about. I'd love some feedback on it... And, here it is... drumroll please...

Melissious Intentions (as you can see above!)

Please give me your feedback! I'm thinking it's kind of cute. Melissious has been my screen name on every site, email address, etc., since pretty much the dawn of the internet. It has many meanings... let's see if you can figure it out...

Through a Glass Darkly

I just saw him last week. He had gone to Istanbul, Turkey to be a missionary, so I thought it was a little odd that I saw him in a crowd the other day. He even looked a little more clean-cut than I'd ever seen him, even when he was dating my dorm head in college. He was looking pretty good.


Well, apparently there was something going on that I, and many of our mutual friends - even his closest friends - had no idea about. He came back from the mission field for a visit, and now he's gone. It can't compute in my mind. Big John. I haven't really even cried yet. I've felt right on the verge, like tonight at church when I saw one of his really close friends walk out sobbing, or yesterday when our youth pastor got up, lip quivering, and said how much he'll be missed at camp. "He was always at peace there, sitting out in a boat on the lake, looking out over the campers." He will be missed. Greatly. The heartache is real. The confusion, the disbelief - we don't really know what to do with it. I can't believe I'm here again, within what, a week, writing about losing someone again? I really don't know what to say, because it really isn't real to me. I can't process it.


In any respect, it makes us hug the ones we love tighter, and want to call our friends and tell them we love them - just in case they might not have known. Even those ones that I haven't seen in a while, I feel like they're a part of my heart, and it aches for them sometimes.

Our pastor said something yesterday that has really stuck with me. It's tempting to want to blame ourselves for this. John was getting help, but we could have done more. If only I had spoken to him when I saw him last. If only they had taken him out to lunch last week. If only someone had known, like really known. Well, Someone did know. Does know. He's here to hold us in our sorrow, and He's there with John by his side. A perfect Big John, with none of the troubles that were haunting him. Yeah, we're left here with the hurt and confusion. We are trying to look through this foggy glass darkly, but he is seeing face to face.

On the other side of that, though, is this... Jesus, when he was teaching his disciples how to pray, told them to say "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven." I take that to mean that we can have a taste of Heaven here, now. Yes, we long for Heaven. Yes, we now have one more person to miss desperately. I've even asked God again if He's sure He doesn't want to just take all of us. Then I see the fullness of His Body here. The love of the family, the comfort in the little clusters of friends holding each other up through this. We can see Him here and now. If we just focus on that - those moments of clarity - we just might make it through this. To the other side.

Face to Face.

Ode to Grandpa

Today was my dad's birthday. My mom, the sentimental softie that she is, decided it would be nice to spend the WHOLE day together as a family. That means, my 4 crazies, plus my sister's 2 - with no boundaries (unless you count the horribly polluted bay on one side - I guess that's a boundary of sorts!)

It started out beautifully. It was a balmy day of somewhere near 65 degrees here in Baltimore today. The sun was shining; the birds were singing and all that jazz. The kids had fun "seagull bowling", as we so gracefully call attempting to run over flocks of birds who are trying to steal our food. Then, as we made our way along the harbor, the wind started up. Along with it, came the clouds... and the rain. We had made it quite a ways away from our cars by this time. Puddles seemed to form out of nowhere. And I don't need to tell you the solution to this equation: little boys + puddles = ... yeah, soaking wet, screaming car full of fun. One good thing that came out of it was <<>> which I would have done if I hadn't left my camera at the restaurant. Oh yeah, we went to a restaurant afterwards. Call me a glutton for punishment (or a Daddy's girl, either one will do.)

After trying unsuccessfully all day to get a picture of Grandpa with ALL the grandkids, we figured out the best way to get them all together was (get out your sunglasses, folks!)...

CAKE, of course!!!! (duh)

I had the good sense to email this picture to myself from my dad's phone since my camera had died (and I subsequently left it at the restaurant so this is my only picture of the day!)

Speechless Saturday

Last night we made brownies... This morning I woke up to...

And...

And just in case we didn't know who the ring leader of this parade was, he signed his handy-work...

Selfish

Conversation on the way home from the mall with my 4 year old:

"Mommy, what is 'selfish'?"

"It's when someone isn't grateful for what they have and wants everything else."

"Mommy, I'm selfish."

"Oh, really? Well, selfish kids get all of their toys taken away and given to kids who appreciate them."

A couple of minutes of silence...

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"I'm NOT selfish."