"I didn't lose my mind. I sold it on Ebay."

I was going back and forth between this title, which I stole from a piece of flair on facebook or: "Total Insanity". Both pretty accurately describe my life right now. I'm not going to waste time apologizing for not writing in a million years, because by the time I'm finished, you'll know why.

Since my last post, I:
-Visited my best friend in Europe
-Went on a weekend trip with the youth group from church
-Had a miscarriage (again)
-Volunteered for 2 months at church to help organize an international convention
-Entertained houseguests for 2 months, two weeks, and one week, respectively
-Said goodbye to my best friend (again)
-Threw birthday parties for all four of my babies
-Started various medications
-Went camping at the beach
-Drove 14 hours EACH WAY with 4 kids and 3 adults to TN for a weekend
-Endured a surprise root canal
-Said goodbye to my baby sister
-Was a counselor for 10 & 11 year old girls for a week
-Had another miscarriage (that's number 5)
-Went back to work
-Drove from MD to Maine with four kids
-Went back to school
-Sent my big boy to 1st grade
-Filed for bankruptcy
-Took a weekend trip to the opposite coast
-Planned a trip to Germany for my baby sister's wedding
-Started selling things on ebay
-Officially lost my mind

I'm sure I'm forgetting a million things, but that's the short list. I'm hoping to get this blog back up and fill it with happy thoughts soon. Until then... Pray for me!! :)

GOAL REACHED!!!!!

That's right - I'M GOING TO BUDAPEST!!

I will be leaving March 10th and return March 25th. I'm SO beyond excited! I've already purchased my ticket and everything.

Yes, you read that right - over TWO WEEKS away from my precious kiddos. I was booking the ticket, and an extremely low price popped up for these dates. I told my lovely husband and he said "Go ahead!" I asked him FIVE times, just to make sure he knew what he was getting into!

I mean, if I'm going to go to Europe, I might as well GO, right?! I am due for a mommy vacation! So, now that I've gotten all of these monetary donations... all I need now is donations of TIME to help take care of my mommyless brood while I'm away!!

Hint, hint. ;)

Pathetic Attempt at Begging

Okay, so it's been a million years (again) since I've blogged - and a hectic million years at that! It would take another million years to put it all on "paper", so I'm thinking I should just start fresh with right NOW, and slowly this year (do we REALLY want to remember it??) will surface on its own.


So, let's get down to the purpose of this particular post. Begging. :) I am unashamedly begging for help to get to Eurocon. What is Eurocon? It is an international conference our worldwide church holds every year in Budapest, Hungary. Why is this year so important? Because this past year, my best friend in the whole world moved to Budapest to be a missionary and a teacher in their international school. I miss her terribly and cannot wait to see her. All year I have been planning to make this trip to Budapest. When my husband's company closed down and we could no longer pay our mortgage, I would still answer the question "Are you going to Eurocon" with a definite YES. I know it sounds ridiculous and maybe a little irresponsible, but I really feel like I am meant to go.

This is NOT only to see my best friend. Eurocon is an amazing, life-changing experience, and I think God has something special for me there. Not that I haven't been receiving something special from Him HERE, I have. I have NEVER felt God's presence more clearly than I have through these impossible times. We've lost SO many precious people this past year... starting with last year during Eurocon when a very close friend of mine lost her father, and ending with a couple of weeks ago when ANOTHER close friend lost her father (also a close friend of my family.) These precious times away together with a relatively small group from our local church are times of bonding like no other. Last year I was there with Arline shortly after she got the news of her brother's passing (she is my friend's aunt.) She said there's no place she would rather have been when she found out, than with this FAMILY of friends to hold her up. I just can't even put into words what Eurocon means to me in so many ways.


So here I am, unabashedly asking for donations so I can go. I know there are more deserving people who I would love to go as well, but the thought popped into my head this morning after a conversation with my husband who told me the only way I can go is if a miracle happened. Who am I to limit God? If I don't get enough money to go, of course I will be sad... but I really don't see that as happening. PLEASE don't feel bad if you can't give anything. I don't WANT anyone to give ANYthing if they can't. I'm serious. I just figured if 70 people could give 10 bucks, that would pay for my ticket! I don't need a hotel room as I'll be staying with my BFF.

So here you go. I'm attaching a paypal button where you can donate. Otherwise, just PRAY! Thank you, and I love you all!!

Our crazy group in the Castle District

SUCH a great day with Staz, Gracie & Tina (even though I was wearing the same clothes for 4 days because my luggage was lost!)
Me & Arline

Twenty-Five Things

Okay, so out of sheer laziness and lack of time, I'm just going to copy and paste this from facebook. This is something that's been going around like wildfire (or the flu). Normally I'm not big on these kinds of things, but I love finding out things about people that I never knew, so here you go!

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you

1. Yes, they're fake. When I was 8, I was rollerskating in the (marble) lobby of the apartment building we lived in... my skates slipped out from under me and I landed on my 2 front teeth, and knocked them right out.
2. I've met Harry Connick Jr.
3. I would love to have twins again. And again.
4. My husband is really sweet... he just doesn't want anyone else to see it. :)
5. It really bothers me when friends try to push products on me. I'm not into natural potions, magic teas & juices, organic cleaning products... I don't want to join a multi-level ANYthing, thank you!
6. I would like to go back to school... I know it sounds generic, but I would like to be a nurse.
7. I still sleep with the pillow I've had since I was 2. My grandmother made it for me. I can't sleep without it (and my family teases me to no end about it.)
8. I watch entirely too much tv, and would secretly love to do away with it completely.
9. I would like to take my whole family and go on the mission field. I just could NOT live with those tiny washing machines!! :)
10. When I was in college, my best friend/roomie and I used to go to Walmart at midnight for NO other reason than to sit in the closed McDonalds seats and stare at the people that would walk in. We'd make bets on how many people would be in anything other than sweat pants. I miss those days... and I miss my best friend!!
11. That last one made me laugh and cry at the same time.
12. I watch a lot of movies... and swiftly forget them. You will often find me answering the question "Have you seen..." with "Ummm, I *think* soooo..."
13. I set foot in 3 countries and about 10 states last year.
14. I met my husband at a car dealership - where he sold me my first new car.
15. I used to want to visit EVERY continent in the world. Okay, so it might still be a dream. Can't figure out how I'd get to Australia or Antarctica, though... I AM over halfway there, though!
16. I love taking pictures. You want to know why? Because they help me remember. If I take a picture of something, it helps me remember it. Not the actual PICTURE, but TAKING the picture. If I lost all of my pictures, I would still remember taking them. Does that make sense?
17. I often can't fall asleep at night because I have a song running through my head over and over. Even if it's a song I like, it keeps me awake.
18. Used to hate diet soda. I mean, like hate, hate, HATED it. Couldn't even take one sip... and I'm now hopelessly addicted to it - Especially Diet Dr. Pepper.
19. I like to bite my kids' ears.
20. I wish Rita's wasn't closed in the winter.
21. I wish I had OCD. Seriously.
22. I hate cleaning. Well, it's not so much that I hate it, it's that no matter HOW much I clean, it's NEVER done...and if I pause for a minute, the mess catches up to me!
23. I should be cleaning right now, ugh!
24. I went to Kindegarten with most of my graduating class.
25. I went to school with a lot of the parents of the kids in my son's kindegarten class.

And one extra, just for my blog: I REALLY hate asking people for things, but my post below has actually turned into something FUN and exciting.

OBX Time!

We're having a beautiful time at the beach. It's a little overwhelming being here without my husband, but all in all it was definitely worth it. Today is our last full day, as we're leaving tomorrow. I can't believe how quickly it flew by (as most vacations do, right?!) Here are a few of my favorite pictures so far...

All the kids (SEVEN kids, ages 6 & under! And only ONE girl!)

Me & my boys on the pier

The whole crew on the pier

My ALONE walk on the beach (self portrait)... I didn't want to come back!

I'm So Sorry!

This post is for Catherine. :) I'm so sorry I haven't bee blogging. I'm in one of those life is getting away from me phases. It's not that I'm not on the computer, or that I don't have anything to write about... it's just that I don't really want to take the time to sit and think about how to write it.

For instance, right now I'm in the Outer Banks. It's so beautiful! There's so much I could write about I don't even know where to begin! I'll post some pictures when I get a chance. Hopefully I'll be able to keep up with my blog! Christine, thanks for being interested enough to keep contacting me. I'll really try harder! :)

I'm a Nutcase

This is what I did yesterday:

The rose at the bottom was my original tattoo that I got about 10 years ago (actually he covered it up and redid it, it was pretty faded), but the rest is new. I drew an idea of what I wanted, and the guy designed it with the kids' actual footprints!

(this was the idea)

I cannot BELIEVE how painful it was! I wanted to give up halfway through. I said "I'm sure the other 2 kids would understand if their footprints were left off!" I made it, though.

What do you think? Am I a complete crazy person, or what?

Well, if I am, he's with me...

A Night In

Last night I got home from work fully expecting to go to the mid-week service at church. All four of my boys were dressed in matching Cowboys Jersies, all vamped up for a night out. A few minutes before departure, Baby (I know, Tina, he's not technically a baby anymore... don't get me started! sigh...) had a blowout. I know, sorry, but how else can I put it? All over his pants, shirt, everything. Simulatneously, twin # 1 followed suit. Change of plans. Man, were they disappointed! They found something that SHOULD have been packed away months ago and Mommy of the Year decided to do this...

And this...

And, of course, this...

You should have seen the multi-colored bath that shortly ensued! What fun little boys are!

*I apologize for no pictures of the baby. His artwork was by far the best. He actually did a lovely job grabbing the Halloween makeup while I was grossly absorbed in painting these characters... and proceeded to write all over himself (and eat a little... which probably didn't help the whole bowel issue!) Scrubbing yellow paint out of his ears and hair was the most fun I've had in a while (can you sense the sarcasm?)

To Tatt or not To Tatt

Okay, so some friends from my husband's work are getting together and going to get tattoos tonight. I have a tiny one on my back from when my friend turned 18, about 10 years ago. I think it would be fun to go and get it re-vamped or maybe get another one... or nothing at all. I read about a really nice, upscale place which is basically in my neighborhood. Maybe I'll at least go with them and check it out and see how I feel about it.

What do you guys think?

Simple Pleasures

No matter what kind of mood I'm in, these actual signs on my way to work make me smile EVERY morning!

Look closely at the paving signs. The funny thing is, these are legitimate businesses. They have shiny new trucks, really clean, new buildings and everything!! There's another funny one, but I didn't see it this morning, and I can't remember what it was... if I see it I'll post it another day.

The World Was Not Worthy

It's been ages since I've wanted to blog. I keep thinking about it then pushing the thoughts aside. I know that a blog should be a place to come and vent, but I don't want that to be all this is. We've gone through such loss lately, that I feel like it's all I'm writing about. I wrestle within myself over the sorrow over losing them, and the rejoicing that they're in Heaven. I'll be honest. The rejoicing is taking it's time this time. Please don't read this with a critical eye for my writing. I'm just letting it all out. Maybe it will help me cope. My sentences are going to be misplaced with no clear flow. This is how grieving is, I think. It doesn't make sense, so why should my writing about it make sense?

Charity and I have been friends since before I can remember. We were in the same kindergarten class... and remained in the same class all the way through elementary school, middle school and high school. It's not how you're thinking. Our graduating class had 13 people. It's not like we all took different Science or English classes. Our class was together all day, every day for 13 years. We would have graduated together if she hadn't left the school, gotten married and started a family. We've been through so much together. I was there for each of her children's births (she has 4), except the last one. This is by far the hardest thing I've had to endure with a friend. I was in Budapest when I found out that her father died. It came as a complete shock. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach, and that feeling really hasn't gone away since.

Mr. Jipson was "healthy as an ox." He looked like a movie star. Thick, wavy hair, strong features, big chest. Just healthy. They still don't know what happened. One of the pastors at his funeral quoted 2 Corinthians 5:8, "Absent from the body, present with the Lord." One minute, he was doing his thing - he was at a customer's house installing satellite - and the next minute he was gone. They don't know why. We don't know why. I can still hear his voice calling Charity "Punkin". He's always called her that. He had nick names for everyone. He called us, Charity's friends, "Kiddo". "You want anything, Kiddo? Can I get you somethin' Kiddo?" Such a sweetheart.

Charity's been through alot. She had a not-so-nice husband, to put it mildly. Her dad was her rock. Always there for her. She lived with him for a while when things got bad. Thank God, she got out of that relationship and has since married a real sweetheart who loves her. I've never seen her so happy. And then this. She wrote something about him, and they put it in the schedule at his funeral. I just keep seeing the words "Who am I going to call when I just need to talk to you, Dad?"

When my husband and I got married, our first house practically shared a backyard with Mr. Jipson. So many memories in that neighborhood! It was so strange to live there after the many years of traipsing through those woods with Charity, getting into trouble. I'd meet him in his yard while walking my dog and we'd chat for a while. He always had stories about his grand kids. When Jake was a baby, Charity and I would go hang out at his house and swim with the kids. We'd all eat ice cream together. He loved his grand kids so much! You know, last year he wanted to take them all to Disney World. He knew they couldn't afford it, so he bought a big van so he could drive them all down. I'm so glad they had a memory like that now.

I wrote in the card to her that I feel so selfish for thinking that I'm going to miss him. I just wish there was something I could do to take away her pain. It doesn't even make sense. None of it makes sense. I know that God's plan is perfect, it's just so hard to see it like this, when we can't SEE what's coming out of it. The whole time during the service I kept thinking it could have been my dad, or Amy's dad - we sat together at the service. Her dad is on his "final" tour in Iraq. He's a helicopter pilot. I keep thinking about him. I can't handle losing someone else. We never know when it could happen. It's so strange because the night I finally got through to Charity from over seas after finding out, I talked to her for a while. All I could think about when I hung up is that I've never looked forward to Heaven as I do now. No more of this pain, or fear. We're looking toward that time. He's already there. Maybe he's praying for comfort for his family. Love is stronger than death. Our pastor said today, we might feel the dying, but death? No. Death knocks on our door but we're already gone. Death can't find us.

They talk about the mansions that will be prepared for us in Heaven. Is that what we're looking forward to? As each day goes on, I think less and less about the mansions, and more and more about the people. And Jesus. The Lion and the Lamb. The glimpses I get here of Him. The love through His people - only a taste of what we'll see there. If we are like Him, some more so than others, then how wonderful He must be in all His glory! I think of Mr. Jipson. I think of my own dad, so Christ-like in my eyes, and I yearn to see Him. Without this pain and heartache. And to tell others about Him so they can see Him too - both here in this world, and the next.

Wordless Wednesday

I'm so glad it's Wednesday! I am finding it hard to find words to describe our trip to Budapest...

For those of you who are interested, click here for the rest of the pictures.

Lettuce in a sandwich?? EW!!

Overheard last night while Grandma was reading to my boys:

Grandma: "Yeah, it's a picnic! Mickey Mouse had a picnic!"

Owen: "What's dat?"

Grandma: "That's a sandwich, mmmmm, yummy - because they're having a picnic. See the picnic basket?"

Owen: "No, what's DAT?"

Grandma: "That's lettuce."

Jake: "That's not a sandwich - there's lettuce in it!"

Grandma: "Yeah, there's lettuce in the sandwich."

All three boys in unison: "Ewwwwwww" (I wish you could hear the intonation of this.)

Grandma: "No, YUMMY, lettuce in sandwiches is yummy!"

All boys in unison: "Ewwwwww"

Grandma (becoming insistent): "Don't be silly! Lettuce is good for you, we put lettuce in sandwiches. What do YOU put in your sandwich?"

Owen: Butter

Jake & Collin in unison: Peanut Butter & Jelly

Nice. I'm raising some health nuts over here. Like mother, like sons! :)

Note: I do like lettuce in my sandwiches. I guess I should offer my boys more of a variety of sandwiches, since they think there is no such sandwich other than pb&j.

Just Another Manic Monday

My day in a nutshell:

Leaving for Europe in TWO days.
Haven't packed.
Laundry up the wazoo.
Kids running wild and free, in different stages of undress.
Coming down with a cold.
Hubby sick and miserable.
Just spent $114 on various cold medicines from CVS for the trip - just in case.
Worried about leaving my kids with a babysitter for so long (Even I am ready to pull my hair out after a few days alone with them!!!)
Did I mention Hubby is miserable??

So. I shouldn't be on the computer. I should be packing!! And doing laundry!! And nursing husband back to health. And clothing my children... HEEEELLLLLP!!! (Does anyone else see the word "HELL" in there??)

Laughing Through the Tears

I've never seen anything like it. The Face to Face service for John was today. The chapel was full of lives he impacted. I overheard more stories, and remembered some of my own. The best part of the whole thing was that everyone who got up to speak had some funny story to tell about him. We all knew him as the biggest goofball and prankster. He was serious about his call and his Savior. What an example he was. The service was so anointed, and struck a chord with many of us. Who is going to step up? What a challenge! I don't know how many people it's going to take to fill his shoes (of course, they can never be filled!) Missionary. Youth worker. Friend to many. Missionary. There was a man in front of me who was from his ministry in the inner city of Baltimore. I couldn't bear to see his body wracked with sobs. But, by the end of the service, with tears still running down his face, he was laughing with the rest of us at one of John's antics.

I started typing this the other day, and can't finish it; but I want to post it anyway. Tina's post on it is way better, and since we share a brain (and her half is way better), I want you to read hers instead of mine....

Love...

Wordless Wednesday

The Unveiling

It's a new day... and I have a new blog name! The following is what I posted on my other page. Yes, I'm THAT lazy. I don't feel like typing the same idea again, so here it is:

I'm not sure if I even have any readers left, but I didn't want to leave you all stranded. I've changed the name of my blog. I was just not loving the name I had chosen, because come to find out, it was NOT very unique. I think my new blog name is a little more unique, even though I'm not sure it really illustrates what my blog is all about. I'd love some feedback on it... And, here it is... drumroll please...

Melissious Intentions (as you can see above!)

Please give me your feedback! I'm thinking it's kind of cute. Melissious has been my screen name on every site, email address, etc., since pretty much the dawn of the internet. It has many meanings... let's see if you can figure it out...

Through a Glass Darkly

I just saw him last week. He had gone to Istanbul, Turkey to be a missionary, so I thought it was a little odd that I saw him in a crowd the other day. He even looked a little more clean-cut than I'd ever seen him, even when he was dating my dorm head in college. He was looking pretty good.


Well, apparently there was something going on that I, and many of our mutual friends - even his closest friends - had no idea about. He came back from the mission field for a visit, and now he's gone. It can't compute in my mind. Big John. I haven't really even cried yet. I've felt right on the verge, like tonight at church when I saw one of his really close friends walk out sobbing, or yesterday when our youth pastor got up, lip quivering, and said how much he'll be missed at camp. "He was always at peace there, sitting out in a boat on the lake, looking out over the campers." He will be missed. Greatly. The heartache is real. The confusion, the disbelief - we don't really know what to do with it. I can't believe I'm here again, within what, a week, writing about losing someone again? I really don't know what to say, because it really isn't real to me. I can't process it.


In any respect, it makes us hug the ones we love tighter, and want to call our friends and tell them we love them - just in case they might not have known. Even those ones that I haven't seen in a while, I feel like they're a part of my heart, and it aches for them sometimes.

Our pastor said something yesterday that has really stuck with me. It's tempting to want to blame ourselves for this. John was getting help, but we could have done more. If only I had spoken to him when I saw him last. If only they had taken him out to lunch last week. If only someone had known, like really known. Well, Someone did know. Does know. He's here to hold us in our sorrow, and He's there with John by his side. A perfect Big John, with none of the troubles that were haunting him. Yeah, we're left here with the hurt and confusion. We are trying to look through this foggy glass darkly, but he is seeing face to face.

On the other side of that, though, is this... Jesus, when he was teaching his disciples how to pray, told them to say "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven." I take that to mean that we can have a taste of Heaven here, now. Yes, we long for Heaven. Yes, we now have one more person to miss desperately. I've even asked God again if He's sure He doesn't want to just take all of us. Then I see the fullness of His Body here. The love of the family, the comfort in the little clusters of friends holding each other up through this. We can see Him here and now. If we just focus on that - those moments of clarity - we just might make it through this. To the other side.

Face to Face.

Ode to Grandpa

Today was my dad's birthday. My mom, the sentimental softie that she is, decided it would be nice to spend the WHOLE day together as a family. That means, my 4 crazies, plus my sister's 2 - with no boundaries (unless you count the horribly polluted bay on one side - I guess that's a boundary of sorts!)

It started out beautifully. It was a balmy day of somewhere near 65 degrees here in Baltimore today. The sun was shining; the birds were singing and all that jazz. The kids had fun "seagull bowling", as we so gracefully call attempting to run over flocks of birds who are trying to steal our food. Then, as we made our way along the harbor, the wind started up. Along with it, came the clouds... and the rain. We had made it quite a ways away from our cars by this time. Puddles seemed to form out of nowhere. And I don't need to tell you the solution to this equation: little boys + puddles = ... yeah, soaking wet, screaming car full of fun. One good thing that came out of it was <<>> which I would have done if I hadn't left my camera at the restaurant. Oh yeah, we went to a restaurant afterwards. Call me a glutton for punishment (or a Daddy's girl, either one will do.)

After trying unsuccessfully all day to get a picture of Grandpa with ALL the grandkids, we figured out the best way to get them all together was (get out your sunglasses, folks!)...

CAKE, of course!!!! (duh)

I had the good sense to email this picture to myself from my dad's phone since my camera had died (and I subsequently left it at the restaurant so this is my only picture of the day!)

Speechless Saturday

Last night we made brownies... This morning I woke up to...

And...

And just in case we didn't know who the ring leader of this parade was, he signed his handy-work...