Insomnia update

I'm not a superstitious person. I don't believe in that kind of thing at all. However, I still have been hesitating to give an insomnia update. Why? Because I don't want to jinx the sleep!! That's right - SLEEP. No drugs of any kind - not even Tylenol or Advil PM - which, until now, I have not even categorized as drugs - they were just another part of my nightly routine. I have been falling into bed exhausted every night... and actually FALLING ASLEEP. It's been almost a month now, since I got back from vacation (a week in Punta Cana.) We had a horrible bed at the resort, it felt like I was sleeping on concrete for a week. So, when I got home, I was soooo excited to sleep in my own bed, that I skipped my nightly dose of sleeping pills... snuggled in - and went RIGHT to sleep! And it's been the same every night since.
So there you have it. I feel like a normal human being for the first time in about 2 years. Now would be a GREAT time to get back "on the wagon" as far as the diet goes, right? Although... wouldn't want to start something different and disrupt whatever I've done to get oh-so-wonderful SLEEP, hee hee...
Okay, I started that post 6 days ago and have since started back on WW, yay!! I even worked out TWICE this week at the gym with my bestest friend. And no disruption in the sleep! So far so good.
Personal checklist: sleep... check, eating right... check, exercising... check! I think I'm on my way!

I Turned the Other Way

Well, yay for me!! A little victory today. I picked up the nanny at 8:30 a.m. and was headed to the gym. I hadn't eaten breakfast yet because I had run out of my favorite breakfast - Fiber One Oats & Chocolate bars. I didn't want that to be an excuse to give up early on the exercising, so I was going to go to Dunkin Donuts for a jelly donut (4.5 pts.) I was at the light to turn toward D&D. It turned green, and at the last second, instead of turning left, I turned right... toward the gym - and the grocery store. Instead of the donut, I went and bought more fiber one bars and a banana. Sure, one F1 bar & 1 banana may equal almost the same points as a jelly donut, but I think the previous will be a little better for me, don't you? I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and walked around the track about 10 times. I'm still sore, but it feels pretty good!
The track in my gym is around the whole top of the gym so you can look down at what's going on in the rest of the gym. Well, yesterday I noticed they were having volleyball camp down there. So, today I kept walking around trying to hear and see what they were doing. I think I picked up a few free pointers!! Funny thing, the guys teaching the v-ball camp are two of the SAME guys I played volleyball with on Tuesday night. Small world! I reeeeally wish there was some sort of adult volleyball camp! I don't know why it has to just be for teens! I was thinking of going and trying to pass of as a teenager. I have been told I look young. Ha ha, might not be such a good idea considering that guy who got caught posing as a 13 year old a while back... oh well. Maybe I'll sign up as a "helper" at a volleyball camp, and then I can learn whatever the main people are teaching, ha ha! Sounds like a plan, I'm off to investigate...

Back on the Wagon

It's been over a week since I've blogged. Feels more like a month. During that week, I went to the beach - twice, once for a birthday party for my niece (just a little beach on the bay here) and once to Ocean City, MD (about 3 hours away) for a whole day trip with a bunch of skinny bee-yotches (yes, that's the way it's spelled in my mind.) That didn't help much with my self esteem... Two days later, I had a birthday party for my 4 year old and went over the top (as in, Pony Rides, petting zoo, pool time, made a home-made cowboy boot cake...) It was lots of fun. One question - am I supposed to be topping each birthday party, because that's just scary. What am I going to do when they all turn 18?? Ha ha, no, I don't think I need to top them, I think one of these times I'm going to do something low-key. My thing is I want to make it fun for his friends who we don't get to see as often. Anyway, it went great. I fell completely off the wagon for at least a week. I went days before realizing I hadn't logged any WW points. I am just going to pretend that week didn't happen. I know I did some damage, but it's time to get back on track.
I've started pretty well this week. I really want to focus on improving my volleyball game. So far this week, I played volleyball for 3 hours Monday night, 2 hours Tuesday night, and went to the gym this morning for 30 minutes on the elliptical and a few laps around the track. I was told by a friend that it only counts if I RUN and I must do it OUTSIDE. I told him, going to the gym and ellipticalling for 30 minutes is better than sitting around all day... (and in my opinion better than running in 90+ degree weather) and I definitely proved that one. I am SORE tonight! I'd like to get back into Pilates because I love (and hate, of course) this soreness, but I think if I do that I'll just do it at home to my dvd's. I don't do well in those classes were there's an 85 year old lady next to me doing it with ease while I'm sweating and grunting and falling over in half the poses. Not encouraging.
So, wish me luck on my volleyball training. My goal is to not be the worst player in the room in this crazy-competitive rec center league I just went to. Boy is that one of the worst feelings, being that person. I don't think I'll give up just yet, though. I just might improve with a couple more weeks there (and a couple less pounds here.)

Lost my Focus

I had a rough week. After the tornado on Monday, we got our electricity back late Tuesday night. Then Wednesday our phone stopped working. There are still lots of trees on lines, so I guess the one lying on our line finally won that battle. I called the phone company and they told me basically that they now want the customers to do their job. I had to go out and buy a phone that isn't electric, take it outside with a screwdriver, open the access box and plug it in out there to see if the problem is inside the house or with the line. HELLO, a tornado came through - do you think that's just coincidence that our phone hasn't been working since?!?! Their reply - they aren't showing any other outages in my area (a total lie, read on.) Finally got the corded phone on Friday (four kids, no nanny, useless husband, long story.) Of course, the phone line doesn't work outside either. I call back, and they say they are SLAMMED in our area and can't come out until Wednesday! Um, yeah, didn't you say you didn't report any other outages in my area? "Oh, I don't know who told you that..." Rrrrrrrr...
So, I have Verizon DSL, which means no phone, no internet. Tried writing down my points for a couple of days, misjudged a little here & there. Well, then Friday I get a call from a family friend saying she wants to babysit for us so we can go out. No internet to look up the restaurant, but I had most of my FP's left so thought I'd be okay. Halfway through dinner I just stopped thinking about it. Then we went to a movie. Skittles and some of hubby's whoppers. Smart, huh? "Tomorrow's a new day."
Saturday, oh I can't even remember Saturday... Oh yeah, I think I did fine and then ate 2 pieces of dh's pizza and a BIG bowl of ice cream at like 11:30 p.m. Sunday was okay, just a little overboard at Bob Evans. I did get Salmon, but of course got barbeque sauce to dip it in... had half a roll... bite of kids' grilled cheese... bite of chicken finger... etc. Didn't even put my points in on Sunday.
The bad news, brace yourself... 2lb gain! I literally feel sick (and tears brimming) thinking about it. It's so hard to lose and so freakin' easy to put back on. Right now I just want to go curl up in bed and stay there all day. It's gray and depressing out. I have a lady here helping me, but I don't think she's ready to take on the house AND the four kids while I go sleep. I know instead I should go to the gym and work off my frustration, but again, don't want to leave her alone. I wonder if it's cool enough for a walk... of course it will probably start raining on me. Oh, and starting my period any day... fabulous, could it get any better than this??
YAWWWWWN...
Any encouraging words would be greatly appreciated today.

The Vitamins are Revolting!

Okay, so I have a problem and I need some serious help! Every time I take vitamins, I feel like I'm going to either pass out or throw up. If anyone has been pregnant, you know that feeling where you're just nauseous and not sure if you're ever going to throw up, but it just won't go away? Well, that's me every day after taking my multi. I can take all the other ones, the liqui-caps (those ones with the oil inside), the little caplets (vitamins b6, b12, & folic acid, to be precise) and the acidophilus powder filled clear ones. I can swallow those no problem. The second I open the bottle of the multi-vitamins, I start feeling dizzy. I have to drink I 3 glasses of water with it, and I literally RUN to the couch to lie down. Just thinking about it right now is making me nauseous (or it's leftover nausea from taking it half an hour ago.)
So, my problem is this... I want to take vitamins - real "woman" vitamins that have all the good things I need in them - but I don't want to feel like this every day! Any suggestions??

This is my day so far:

Morning
1 servings Fiber One Bar - Food I created 2
Subtotal 2
Midday
2 Tbsp Balsamic Vinaigrette Dressing 2
3 cups greek salad, without dressing 2
Subtotal 4
Evening
Subtotal 0
Snack
cupcakes 1
jolly rancher lollipops 2
Subtotal 3
Total Food POINTS values used: 9

No Power!

I was out at volleyball on Monday night and a tornado touched down in my backyard! Luckily, my mom decided to come with me so my kids could watch me play, so nobody was home. It completely destroyed the fence surrounding our pool and left us without electricity for TWO DAYS. Of course, those would happen to be the two hottest days of the summer. It was in the upper 90’s. My dear husband was in Dallas (we live in MD) for the weekend and missed his flight that day. As soon as I got home, they closed all of the roads coming into our neighborhood so the electric company could work on the lines. He was blocked out. I was left alone with 5 boys and no pool. First thing Tuesday morning I got them all dressed and we headed to the mall (AIR CONDITIONING!!) It just happened to be family fun day, so the kids had fun. I dragged out the mall as long as possible - merry go round rides, hair cuts, lunch, pet store, dollar store (prizes for everyone.) That took us until about 1 pm. Then we piled into the car and headed to my mom’s. No way was I going home with all of those kids to a 90+ degree house! Well, my mother is priceless. No matter what the occasion -parties, dinners, guests, or just Tuesday nights - she pours bowls of chips, nuts, crackers, etc and sets them on the counters with various dips. Well, I was standing there talking to her while we were preparing dinner, and all of a sudden I realized I was eating chips and dip!!! These are not baked chips and low-fat dip. These are sour cream & onion lays and regular french onion dip! So there went a bunch of my points out the window. I’m sure I earned bunches of activity points chasing the boys around the mall, but I didn’t add them.
Our electricity resumed last night around 11. I don’t miss the heat, but the silence, darkness and dancing candle-light that come with a blackout were pretty romantic. Too bad my man can’t wake up and catch a plane when he’s supposed to!!

The Internet Went On Without Me

I skipped my daily dose of the Internet - TWICE. Two days in a row, I decided to go to bed without checking my email or anything. I thought if I didn't check my email/myspace/blog for two days, of course I'd miss a VERY important email/comment/bulletin. Well, here I am checking in. I did get a myspace comment or two, and an email from my best friend (and that IS something to write about - it's rare!) but nothing earth-shattering, or even consequential, for that matter. Maybe I should give it up altogether. I waste entirely too much time on here, when I could be doing something useful like cleaning out my DVR. I had to get on to log my points, so here I am. I responded to my email, stalked some people on myspace, and still have a half an hour before my babysitter (and, coincidentally baby SISTER) gets here and I get a few hours of sanity. Oh, have I mentioned that my nanny has left the country? That story is for another day.

Good news!!! On the weight-loss front: I know I'm not supposed to weigh myself more than once a week, but I did it anyway this morning. It was supposed to be a punishment for eating THREE slices of Stromboli last night, plus pasta salad (veggie-full, though!!) AND guacamole & chips... oh AND buffalo-chicken dip, yikes!! Instead, I was in for a treat. I've lost 4 pounds... and I think I weighed myself on Tuesday. My weigh day is supposed to be Monday. I'm sure on Monday I'll realize there is some other explanation for this (water weight, or lack thereof, etc.) but for right now I'm going to be happy about it! Plus, I chased my boys around at the park all day (man, can my 1 year old disappear quickly at the playground!!!), so that should help!

Um... Miss Grammar is having some kind of brain issue... do those commas belong before the parenthesis, inside, or after them???

So You Think You Can...

Get so freaking jealous watching this show. I don't think I can dance. I actually can't dance one bit. The only people who have actually seen me dance would be a few work friends from years ago when I used to drink (and I'd have to drink quite a bit before I'd get out there, and even then I'd just be playing around), and my kids - when nobody else is in the house (and they laugh at me.) I also don't think I can ever have a body like any of those girls on there. Day 3 of WW, I shouldn't be having thoughts like this. I want her body... ha ha, that sounds funny. I don't mean I want HER body. I mean, I want my body to look like her body. Any one of them will do. Only like a million more pounds to go before I'm even close. Sigh...
I think I'm too tired to blog. I can't remember what I came here to say, so I'm going to leave it like this and edit it later.

Desperate Housewife

I'm having a "desperate housewife" day. Let me give you a little insight into it. My "mommy's helper" is sick today. She's also leaving in 2 days for 3 weeks. My husband is sleeping until noon at least because he was up late playing online poker, then watching HBO movies. Currently, one twin is running around the house with a tissue box being chased by the other twin who wants the tissue box. They are both screaming. The older brother is following them. Also screaming. He thinks he is the moderator. I finally intervened. I gave each of them a soda box (you know, the fridge box for soda cans.) Now they're all happy. Is there a shortage of toys in this house, you ask? I can't take a step without tripping over a car, ball, or puzzle piece.

It has quieted down a bit (the puzzle pieces distracted them for a while) so I have a few seconds to think. I don't think I should have a second to think. I should not be left alone with my thoughts on a day like this. I should get up and get the kids outside to the pool. Maybe I'll set an appointment at the gym nursery so I can work out tomorrow. They're a bit snotty lately, though, so the nursery probably won't accept them. Don't think it's worth it. Well, if the nanny shows up tomorrow, I could go by myself. I really need to get on a workout program. My volleyball game is really suffering from me being so out of shape. I can barely make my serves over the net. My energy runs out halfway through my swing. I also need some good energy meal ideas. Yesterday I had a Fiber One bar for breakfast. I had to run around all afternoon on errands, so I didn't eat until about 3. I was cutting up a cantaloupe I got at the fruit stand and ate about 1/4 of it. I had to leave for volleyball at 5:30, so I just had time to get the dinner in the oven and corn-on-cob boiling on the stove before I had to leave. The corn was done right before I walked out the door, so I took 2 pieces with me and ate them on the drive down. I know, you should have seen me on the phone, eating corn-on-the-cob and driving at the same time. I should be on a Nationwide commercial! Nationwide is on your side (not mine!!) :) No wonder my serves were flopping! I ate dinner when I got home at like 10:30. Chicken & Rice bake with broccoli. That probably would have helped me before volleyball!

So far today I've had half of my large iced coffee from Dunkin's and half of a donut. Staying within the points, but missing the rest of the healthy eating habits so far. Maybe I'll dig into that canteloupe again. Still not much on the energy front, though.

Oh, and as far as the insomnia goes... I went to bed at 11:15. At 12:15 I took 2 Advil PM and a Roserem and fell asleep shortly after. I vaguely remember being awake a few times during the night, but pretty much slept until 8:07 when my nanny called and told me she wasn't coming. I got advice from a friend last night. He told me I should not take ANY medication for 6 months then I'll be able to sleep. I think I earned at least one activity point laughing at that. Yeah, I guess if I didn't sleep for 6 months straight, I might be able to get one night of unmedicated sleep. I think if I eat right, exercise, and take vitamins it might help. And, if I get my husband on board with the whole thing (like NOT playing poker all night and going to bed at a reasonable time!) it would really help.

Well, I think I'm going to start the process on getting the kids ready for the pool. It will take me half an hour to get them out there. Bathing suits, swimmy diapers, towels, sunblock... Plus, it's like 100 degrees at least out there. This should be fun.

And the Word of the Day is...

IDIOT. I know, how old am I?? And I used it TWICE today. Once with my husband, and once with my sister (out loud anyway - there were quite a bit more internal "idiots" going on.) My dear, sweet husband let me sleep in a bit this morning. If you've read Tina's blog you'll know why I needed to sleep in. Long story short - BLAST of an evening out on the town with 6 hot, young Eastern European chicks and my BF. Pulled into the driveway at 2:20 something, went straight to bed - which, of course means I fell asleep around 4ish (tried to fall asleep without any drugs because I was pretty tired after walking around for hours.) One more crazy drug concoction (taken at 3:40ish) later I finally fell asleep. Wow, is there ANY way back to my original story from here? Glenn gets up with the kids and I sleep until 10:40. Then he watched them while I went to Dunkin Donuts. Donuts for the kids (and yes, TWO for me) a large iced coffee for me and a medium for him and a donut for him (mind you, he had already eaten breakfast, I had not.) Home again. Glenn goes to bed while I chase the kids around. I eat one of my donuts, drink my whole coffee and head out to the pool with the crazies. I'm out there for hours, running on coffee & a donut dreaming the whole time about that second donut. I come inside starving (this is around 4, the first donut was around 11) drooling over the donut I'm already eating in my mind. Open the box... there is HIS nasty donut where mine should have been!! HE ATE MY DONUT!! I know, I know, I shouldn't be eating a donut for breakfast AND lunch, but I was planning on eating plenty of veggies for dinner at my mom's (yeah right, but still.) So begins an argument with my darling spouse (if I could make these words DRIP with sarcasm as you read them, I would - could someone please show me the button for that?)
So, on to the second idiot. Today was my niece's 6th birthday. My sister wouldn't have even told me about the party if we hadn't been at my mom's the other night for the post fourth bash and she hadn't mentioned that she doesn't think anyone she had INVITED was coming... I wouldn't have even known about it!! ARRG. Anyway, that night she never even said what time it was OR officially invited me. So today, there's a missed call from her at 9 a.m. I called her back at 11 - no answer (of course, that !%$^ never answers her phone.) She calls me back at 12:48, after my kids have been swimming all morning and are desperately in need of a nap, and tells me that the party is at 1. ONE. Yes, that is exactly TWELVE minutes away (about how far the party is from my house.) Have I mentioned I have four little boys, ages 3 and under?! Hence, the 2nd "IDIOT" of the day.
I did end up going to the party. I want to explain the whole thing, but this is already painfully boring, I can feel it. I want to explain the internal "idiots" I called my sister when she said she wouldn't do the cake or presents without us, then told me when I was five minutes away that the party was over. But I don't want to rehash it too much, I get angry all over again, and the rest of the day wasn't so bad. It was really nice. I ended up going into the party, even though I wanted to just drop off the kids and leave. It was at my parents' house. The party was over, but the kids still got to eat cake. They had a good time, and once my heart melted a little, I enjoyed it. Then I loaded them all up, brought them home, and we all seeded the front lawn. :) Oh, I SO badly need to use this cliche:
"All's well that ends well!"
Hey, is it a cliche if I've never used it before in my life? I guess it still is. Oh well.

I didn't get a compliment

Wow. The tiredness just doesn't go away! I slept for probably 10 hours last night, woke up, went and got a massage (not a big pick-me-up, but TOTALLY worth it!!) I went to lunch with my BEAUTIFUL perfect little sister (while we were there an old lady walked up to her out of the blue, cupped her face in her hands and said "Ah, to be young and beautiful again!) Why can't I be happy for other people when they get compliments?? Anyway, after that, I came home and my oldest little boy wanted me to lie down with him. Of course, I crashed. Slept for almost 3 hours. And now, do I feel rested and ready for this post-4th-of-July party at my parents?? No, I feel like I could sleep for a week!! Maybe someday I'll feel rested!!??
I'm trying to decide if I'm on a diet or not. I need to be, that's for sure. It just seems like such a daunting task. At the very VERY least, I have 50 pounds to lose. I know it can be done, I've read of people doing it. Heck, I did it in my early 20's. Then, I worked at a desk job, so whatever I brought with me or bought on my lunch break, I ate. It was easy! I just brought a bunch of fruit every day. My indulgence was coffee. Now, I'm pretty much home all day. I mostly don't even think about what I'm eating. Whatever the kids eat, or whatever I feel like eating, I eat. I start Weight Watchers every Monday, and by Tuesday I'm not logging my food again. The only consistent thing I do for exercise is my Monday night volleyball for 3 hours. I want to do Pilates once a week, but I usually have some excuse for not dragging myself to the gym on Wednesdays (maybe the top on that list is I'm embarrassed about myself in the class because the 90 year old ladies can do EVERY pose while I'm struggling.)
One of these days I'm going to surprise everyone and have a positive entry on here! Ha ha!
My twins are vying for my attention right now, so I'll cut this depressing ramble short.

Insomnia

I'm having a serious love/hate relationship with SLEEP. All I want to do is sleep, but once I lay my little head down on that pillow, my deepest desire evades me. The hours tick by, and eventually I end up in the bathroom (again), tears rolling down my cheeks thinking "If I fall asleep now, all I'll get is... (4, 3, 2, 1 hours) and then it's up again with 4 little boys who just want to fight over toys all day long. Now, I love my dear sweet boys, but with each missing hour of sleep, the love is harder to hear in my voice. All I want to do is curl up in a ball with my fingers in my ears.
Ah, what a nice, pick-me-up little blog we have here today. Today wasn't so bad anyway. First of all, the combination of 4 Advil PM's and a Roserem actually worked last night. Second, it was the Fourth of July. Third, we had company. We had another family over with kids, so mine were enteretained all day long. All I had to do was cook, cook, cook. And that involved throwing a huge rack of ribs and a bunch of filets on the grill and make a big salad (don't be deceived, anyone doing weightwatchers - this salad is about 7 points a serving!)
So now it's almost midnight, and I'm trying to decide if I should just sit here and watch some more pointless television, or if I should go risk the hours of fighting to get myself to sleep. The upside - my dear, sweet angel of a nanny will (hopefully!!) be here in the morning to help with the kids.
Well, maybe if I start the fight with sleep now, I'll win a little earlier tonight... Wish me luck, imaginary reader.

Beginning of the End?

So my best friend said that I should ramble on here. I'm just curious to see if this will be an actual beginning of something, or the beginning of the end (or, I should say, the beginning AND the end.) She says that I should blog. I tell her all I do is ramble, and nobody wants to hear me ramble. She thinks that my ramblings are interesting and funny. We'll see if anyone agrees.
What am I thinking about right this minute? That this is a re-run of Letterman because he's talking about Paris Hilton going to jail and Shrek the 3rd coming out. Also, I'm thinking of how I would classify this blog... Is it a blog about my weight loss journey (ha ha, weight LOSS is a little optimistic, maybe I should say millionth ATTEMPT at weight-loss.) Is it a mommy blog - a boring journal of my daily life with four little crazies, ages 3 & under?? That's interesting (to ME, anyway!) Or will it be ramblings about the ups & downs of my marriage?
*side note* Oh my GOSH, the Hungarian lady staying in my basement just walked up the stairs in JUST A TOWEL!! If you were staying at a stranger's house, would you walk around in a towel?? And no, she's not hot (if she were, I wouldn't be complaining! Oh wait, yes I would, I'm sitting here with my husband!) Okay, so see, now I don't know if I need to EXPLAIN this situation or not... I'm a blog virgin!!!
Well, I guess we'll see where this thing goes. Who's up for a crazy ride??